Connie and Gerry Contrive to Stay out of Jail

The flurry of emails began on Mothers Day, with a message Connie sent through the Contact form on Torch Lake Views:

From: connie claar
Sent: Sunday, May 11, 2008 8:41 PM
Subject: [Torch Lake Views] Contact us

Hi Gerry – Love your “cowslips”. I am getting very worried about the WHHS income tax filing and am working on it but am not ready to file. Can you get us an extension? Thanks for keeping me out of jail….. Connie

From: “Gerry Sell”
Sent: Sunday, May 11, 2008 9:16 PM
Subject: RE: [Torch Lake Views] Contact us

Hi, Connie – I’ll look into it in the morning. I figure either I’ll solve the problem or I’ll have a really juicy story for the Elk Rapids News. Glad you liked the cowslips – I’ll be sure to send some to the jail. – Gerry

Then there was this little delay – you know how I am, I ran out of printer paper, yada yada. But on Tuesday I was on the case:

From: Gerry Sell
To: ‘Connie Claar’
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 10:20 AM
Subject: Get Out of Jail Free Card

Hi Connie – The Extension form 8868 is attached. See if you can save the file on your computer, then open it and print it and sign it and mail it to the IRS. If there’s a problem, let me know. I’m off to get porky quills removed from Miss Sadie, so will be gone for several hours. – Gerry

From: connie claar
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 3:04 PM
To: Gerry Sell
Subject: Re: Get Out of Jail Free Card

Thanks…after several attempts to get the regular computer on and going, and then to get the printer to agree I finally printed out the form. But, not before I printed out form # 9979 in some really strange language…I can’t make anything out of it. I did not put in to print out that form and have NO idea how it got there. If I filled in the form just as you did in the blue, am I good to mail it tomorrow? Do I need to do anything else? Thanks for the Get out of jail free card. – Connie

Hmmmm. This couldn’t be good.

From: Gerry Sell
To: ‘connie claar’
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 3:59 PM
Subject: RE: Get Out of Jail Free Card

Go figure the intricacies of the internet. I have no idea what form 9979 is – please do not file it with the IRS. It will probably mean that both of us will go to jail as terrorists plotting a takeover of the inland waters, and then who will get you out of jail??
Fortunately, while I was out and about getting Miss Sadie de-quilled I managed to obtain printer paper from Bachmann’s. (It is true – if you really need it, Bachmann’s has it.) I will print out the correct form, filled out correctly, and bring it by for you to sign and mail. If you’re not home, it will be in your door. If we go to jail can we get tattoos? Cool ones? – Gerry

From: connie claar
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 4:52 PM
To: Gerry Sell
Subject: Re: Get Out of Jail Free Card

Only if the tattoos don’t hurt… Thanks, I cannot wait to show you this strange form….it was 3 pages of gibberish.

. . . and then a little later . . .

I got the forms inside the door and have signed and dated them and addressed the envelope which is ready to go tomorrow morning. How did Miss Sadie do? – Connie

From: Gerry Sell
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2008 11:32 PM
To: ‘connie claar’
Subject: RE: Get Out of Jail Free Card

Miss Sadie seems to be OK, though not quite her perky self. The Cowboy feels that entirely too much has been made of Miss Sadie’s mishap. I spent a week’s pay at the vet, and am in a grumpy mood. Miss Puss wishes we would all remember the main point of this household, which would, after all, be her. The only thing I regret is missing out on the tattoos. Oh well. Maybe next year. – Gerry

And you thought nothing dramatic ever happened in Torch Lake Township.

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